Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
