Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
