I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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