Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This is my gift to your gina
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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