Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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