Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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