Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
