Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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