Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you didnt know i had herpes?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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