You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
