...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
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So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.