If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
