I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
