Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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