Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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