My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
