all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
