We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
