I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize