What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
