I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
