lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
