Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
