Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
