just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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