just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
this hospital has no fireball
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
