I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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