my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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