Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
