Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
