dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
