Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
