White coat. Heels.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
this will be a night to untag.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
