I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
