wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
