hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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