I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
