i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
