"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
