miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
