i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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