I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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