I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
