That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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