no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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