at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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