Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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