The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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