He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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