kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
