I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
