I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
