I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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