people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her๏ปฟ
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
