People in love make me want to vomit
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
