I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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