well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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