Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
