i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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