I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
