end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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