I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
