he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
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Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
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I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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