fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she smelled like a LAN party
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
