The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
