super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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