I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
