If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
