someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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