I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
