I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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