Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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