His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
