i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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