plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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