remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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