hotel room ftw
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
