I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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