what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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