Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
