At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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