I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
