we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
